How to Get Along With a Co-worker You Cant Stand - The Muse

How to Get Along With a Co-worker You Cant Stand - The MuseHow to Get Along With a Co-worker You Cant Stand Maybe you and your co-worker have polar-opposite beliefs on every single, little thing. Maybe the way he taps his pen on his desk drives you crazy. Or maybe you two just cant get through a team outing without throwing little barbs at each other. Whatever the case, nearly everyone has a certain colleague who gets on their nerves at the office. And when you have to work closely with that rolle on the same project or team, it can make your life a whole lot more stressful.But if you find yourself in that situation, dont throw in the towel just yet. In my time in the HR field, Ive seen some truly inspiring transformations. While they may notlage have ended up best friends, plenty of employees once at odds with each other have been able to set aside their differences and come together for the good of the team. And throughout all of those success stories, Ive noticed a few common step s.Give Yourself Space and Rebuild SlowlyWhen faced with a challenge, a lot of talented, driven employees want to dive in and come up with a solution right away. But when tempers are high, giving yourself a little bit of breathing room can be the most productive first step you can take. If you and your co-worker have had a particularly negative encounter recently or have just been on shaky terms for a while, take a few days or so to keep your distance and gather your thoughts. Politely explain that you want to push pause for a bit just to cool down, then try sitting in a different area, postponing one-on-one meetings, or if its possible, working from home for a day or two. (And if sitting far apart or spending time away from each other is impossible, create a space around yourself by wearing your headphones and avoiding as many situations as possible in which youll come face to face.)Be the Bigger Person and Reach OutOnce youve come back from clearing your mind, start building the re lationship up again slowly. You might want to shelve any non-urgent issues for the time being and try to chat on a personal level. Invite her to lunch or out for drinks and make it clear that you wont be bringing up work matters. Instead ask how shes doing, what shes been up to lately, or even what she likes to do in her free time. Not only will this help you humanize your co-worker, it can help you understand where shes coming from and why shes been difficult to work with. And sometimes getting out of the office can make all the difference in the conversations tone and flow.From my own experience, I was able to view a colleague Id been butting heads with much more positively after getting to know about his family. That, combined with a week of limited contact with him, helped me realize he was more than just the guy who steamrolled me in meetings all the time- he was a good person who just happened to get carried away sometimes. And with that knowledge, I was in a much better space to listen, comprise, and ultimately find a solution.Acknowledge the Elephant in the RoomHaving a tough conversations never fun, but if you really want to make things better, you need to eventually talk with your co-worker about the issues youve been having. Not in that first meeting, but in the one after. Trust me No matter how well you think you can swallow your emotions, the tension will keep building up until it eventually boils over. Fortunately, major collaboration issues are usually due to a misunderstanding or difference in communication styles- meaning they can be fixed if both parties are willing to put in the effort.So, the next steps to simply acknowledge what you think is going wrong. Make sure to use plenty of I statements (I feel, I think, and so on) so your colleague can understand your perspective without feeling like youre accusing or attacking them. Keeping your communication style in mind, lay out what you personally need in order to thrive, whether thats more po sitive feedback, a greater degree of transparency, more adherence to deadlines, faster responses to urgent emails, or whatever else you think is bothering you. Odds are that this persons not trying to offend you- its just his natural behavior and he didnt know it was bothering anyone. After youve shared your thoughts, invite your co-worker to weigh in as well. Communications a two-way street, and his perspective needs to be heard just as much as yours does. Then, once youve aired it all out in the open, its time to apologize for any badeanstalt blood that mayve been transpired, come up with a plan of action for how youre going to turn it around, and pledge to hold yourself accountable.In an ideal world, one conversation is all it would take to mend a wounded working relationship. And sometimes, thats exactly how it works out- which is great But more often than not, youll need to put some ongoing thought and effort into ensuring that you and your co-worker can collaborate the way you need to. The good news is that I fundamentally believe that as long as two parties are each willing to adapt their work style, theres no reason they cant be successful. Of course, every once in a while youll run into somebody whos not as flexible as you might like. In that situation, you might find yourself having to accommodate them a bit more, which can be challenging. But if you keep the lines of communication open, maintain a plan of action, and lean on your manager HR for help when needed, you should be in good shape to get along with a co-worker you cant stand. Photo of co-workers talking courtesy of Thomas Barwick/Getty Images.